8/28/06
there is this thesis floating about me.
it has to do with how we bump and scratch all of these people as we move through life. we learn things through them, we pick up new obsessions and tics and appreciations. each one is sort of leaving a post-it note on us as we pass through, most of these post-its come with both dark and light experiences and loves. but we bring every piece of this patchwork quilt with us each time we jump into another person. and even when we don’t jump, we just sort of move and separate next to them, we are still carrying these pieces.
i feel like i could draw up an intricate map connecting things like the coltrane music gordon taught me to love and the night i found myself craving every inch of your body when you played that live coltrane record in the dark of your room. or how sean made me appreciate jimi hendrix when i was sending him postcards in high school from the rock and roll hall of fame and this weekend, while thumbing through your music collection, i found a “new” hendrix song i love so much i went through repeated inner meltings for quite a bit of an afternoon. there’s also the story of how the first musical i ever saw became the first musical i ever performed in, and how somehow last week sean found himself in the house in san francisco my rose used to live in… regardless of the fact that they have never met and barely heard of each other.
it’s these scraps, these puzzle pieces that i’m picking up like magnets as i walk through life. they’re filling up my edges and, in a way, making me whole.
and on the other second hand, i feel the need to say how much i love it when a) i feel like i know myself better than i ever have and b) i am going places and doing things and seeing things on sometimes an everyday basis that are everything to do with me, they are the everything i have loved and appreciated since i could open my eyes and take in the world.
they are everything i woke up one day not so very long ago to realize i was missing.
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also, this.
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also! i need a place to arrange all of the bits and pieces of words and things like poems i wrote over the years. there is some good shit that i completely forgot about. that i wrote! i wrote that! how… hmm. how should i do this.
